Culture shock...at home?

Last summer, living in Mexico, I got a taste of what culture shock is really like. By the end of those three months I longed for college life again...schedules, classes, even homework. Okay so maybe that was a little pathetic, but I wasn't above pleading for a normal life again.

Now it's so much different. Coming back from spending 4 months working, serving and basically just living life in Barrington IL, at Willow Creek...I've come home to culture shock. But it makes me wonder, can you really have culture shock at home?

Being in college I've come understand that 'home' is where I'm at. There's far too many transitions in these few years to really become rooted to one spot. School is home, our parents' is home and wherever we are or whatever country we're in during the summer months, well that's home too.

This past summer Willow Creek has been home to me. I believe that home has much more to do with the people who are there than the actual place we're at and so now the Promiseland team is home to me too. It's been a hard shift coming back to my parents'. I have so many stories to tell and passions to share, but often I feel like I'm speaking some foreign language to those who are here. I just pray that I won't lose this past summer if it becomes just a story...it's much, much more than that to me, but it's difficult to express. Now, paired with my stories is a longing...a desire to be back there some day...a desire to be challenged, and a passion to dive head first into what it is I now know I'm wired to do. So if I begin to ramble on as I tell you story after story about my summer, I just pray you'll look into my eyes and see the passion there, see that in my mind I'm back in Promiseland, back with a team I love and back with those kids who've made an impact on me each weekend.

And if you give me a chance I'll try to capture your heart and imagination with my words...and I'll take you there with me...just listen.

Moving on...

Tomorrow marks the end of my internship here at Willow Creek and it's hard to walk away. This past week there a couple questions I've been asked the most. The first is "What will you miss the most about Promiseland?" and the second is "What have you learned the most about?". A third question would be, "What's next and how did you get here?"

The first answer was something I never even envisioned about the internship before coming here. My answer is "The people--the relationships I've built." I'm not sure what could be better than serving with a team of people who are passionate about reaching kids for Christ and using their gifts, talents and the way God has wired them to do so. I've seen children's ministry both ways, one person in the lead, and now with an incredible team. I love the team. It's not to say it isn't hard...there are downfalls and challenges you'll face that may not be there without the team. But even so I'd rather serve alongside people who ultimately share the same passion...watching kids grow and develop in their relationship with Christ. When it comes down to it that's what matters most. Before taking this internship I could picture what I learned about Willow...I could picture some of the ministry tasks that might be involved, but not the awesome people I'd get to know and love...they are what made this internship great.

My answer to the second question becomes much more personal for me. Most would expect me to say something great I've learned about managing a room of 200 kids and volunteers, or ways to handle challenging behaviors that kids sometimes show, or how to recruit/invite volunteers and I've certainly learned those things, but they aren't most important. Coming into this internship I struggled with the idea that I was called into children's ministry and was passionate about that, but felt like I didn't fit into the children's pastor role. I often asked God if he was sure he called me into this ministry...because the way he wired me didn't seem to fit into what I saw in a children's pastor. But despite those feelings at the end of the day all I ever wanted to do was see kids come to know him more. Basically...internally there was a huge conflict for me as I wondered how someone who was administrative, task oriented, and detail focused could fit into a ministry that was completely relational.

Through this internship I've seen the type of leadership that I'm wired for. I love the way God has wired me and can't wait to see just how he'll use that in the future. I may not be built to be the one person in charge of a children's ministry, but I am built to write/evaluate/and adapt curriculum...to use my artistic skills to develop resources that can be used to supplement and feed into what the kids will learn. Pairing that with my heart to reach the kids that are often forgotten or neglected I'd like to see more effective curriculum and programs being offered that will draw them in, because every kid deserves a chance to feel God's love. Of course I realize that those people in my life who ask if there's really a job to be a children's pastor, will now look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them I'd love be on staff on a curriculum team in a church somewhere. But what can I say...I guess God has wired me in a specialized way. But when they ask how I can find a job like that...it's a simple answer--I have no clue...but God does.

As for the third question...the only answer I can give is that God got me here, and he knows what's next and I'm cool with that. People have told me how amazing it is all that I've accomplished at such a young age, but I've never thought of things that way. God's been in the lead and I just want to follow with open hands. I'm doing what I'm passionate about and giving God the glory for what's been done. My art and my writing and any other gifts I have I'm grateful for and I couldn't imagine not plugging them in in any way I can to make impact for the kingdom.

So as I leave Willow I can't wait to see what God has in store next...but I do pray to come back here some day, if for no other reason than to see my friends who are totally sold out to reaching kids for Christ.

More of my favorites.

Chris is an amazing artist. She's designed a ton of stuff in PML. It's been so much fun getting to know and working with her this summer. We've bounced ideas off each other and offered critique on each other's work. It's such a cool way to see iron sharpening iron. She's so uplifting and encouraging and has been such a blessing to me this summer. It's so cool to see her open handedness too, always willing to share resources, creations, and helping out in whatever way she can with things. She's great.
Kerri is one of my favorite people to have meetings with here. Her randomness and sense of humor makes things a lot of fun. Paired along with that is wisdom and insight along with a sense of fairness. I think she tries hard to see both sides of an issue. She gets to the heart of it by asking questions, though some are certainly a challenge to answer. I love seeing her passion and vision for the ministry.

These people are awesome!

This has to be one of my favorite pictures. Deanna is the drama person on staff here and she's amazing! At staff meetings it's fun to hear the drama team speak...you just never no what they'll do next. If I could use only one word to describe Deanna it would have to be 'random', but more than that she's passionate about what she does. It's very cool to see someone who is totally on fire using their gifts to reach kids for Christ. I only got to meet with her once, but it was amazing. She has incredible discernment and I felt like in only an hour and a half she knew my heart and her encouragement was such a blessing to me. I'm willing to overlook the fact that she had me looking like a fool on the stage as she had me skip back and forth while quoting my lines from the teach...and playing patty-cake while doing the same.
Both Barb and her husband Dave Dewaard work in PML. Dave serves on the operations team and was pretty much our go to guy for things. He has such a servants heart and was willing to help us out whenever we needed. Barb is the age 4/5 D leader. She's pretty straight forward and you never really need to wonder what she's thinking because she'll let you know. Her sense of humor and laughter are what I like most about her.

Sheri is the grade 4/5 D leader. I learned a lot from her about how to build things into your schedule that sustain you. Conversations around that topic came up after a rough weekend I had where I left so drained that it took a few days for me to feel recovered again. While many were telling me that, that was the normal pace of children's ministry, Sheri took time to explain different things she did to physically, mentally and emotionally prepare herself for the weekend. I know that what I'm learning about sustainability will help me far into the future.
I love Erin and Tony. They are such an amazing couple. It's been great getting to know them both this summer and spending time with their family. The one thing I love the most about them is the high value they place on parenting their three kids. I've seen the laughter, singing and dancing and fun they've brought into their home...but most important is prayer. Not only do they pray about being the best parents they can be, but they also pray with their kids...what a gift that will be to them as they get older.

Kick off...and the people I love.

The night of kick off was a lot of fun. Celebrating the return of our regular volunteers, it's amazing to see how many people offer their time and talents to pour into the kids' lives. What was most fun for me though, was before kick off started. All the staff gathered for pizza. It was so cool just to hang out with everyone and relax with them. Of course we all looked like clones, wearing the same shirts that supported the new theme for the year "A Story to Tell". I'm pretty sneaky with a camera, which led to some natural shots of people just hanging out with each other.
Sheri and Erin in deep discussion about...something.
Two of my favorite people, but I do have a lot of favorite. This is Erin, the leader I worked with the most. I loved learning from her, not only in the way she challenged me, but also in hearing her heart, passion and vision for the ministry. Beth was my host mom or roommate this summer. She is so gentle and wise and with each conversation we had I walked away with a deeper understanding of life. They are both so awesome! I'll miss them a lot when I leave.
Another sneaky shot of Ralph (our security guy) and Beth.
This is Gail. She's the leader of the infants and toddlers here in PML. She and her husband Phil have adopted me this summer and have poured into my life a lot. Though it sounds funny to say it...they've really treated me like a daughter. And just the simple blessing of buying me a cup of coffee or helping me with my car, Phil reminded me of my dad. Those qualities really mean a lot to me.

Chicago!

Okay...so remember this was my very first time in Chicago...so to everyone else they may just be office buildings. But I'm still amazed by the skyscrapers. it's hard not to walk down the street without looking up.
I like this picture, because it looks as though the lion is guarding the city.

Art Institute--2

It was amazing to me to see some of my favorite artists' work right in front of me. The coolest thing about the Institute was turning all that I've studied and seen into a reality. I loved searching through the museum to find my favorite artists.

Georges Seurat-"Sunday Afternoon on the island of la gran jaunte" (I'm sure I spelled that wrong) An Impressionist artist who painted this in pointillism (little dots). Personally I think he was nuts...but it's so cool.
Degas...known for his impressionist paintings of ballerinas.
My all time favorite artist--Albrecht Durer...a German renaissance artist. His work is incredibly detailed and amazes me to no end.
And of course Jackson Pollock...okay so who knew dripping paint on a canvas could look so cool. I love the detailed look to it and unlike some contemporary work I'm sure this took a great amount of time.

Art Institute--1

Today was a day of firsts for me. It was my first time going to Chicago, seeing the Art Institute (a dream of mine since high school) and riding a train. Beth decided that since it was my first time in the city she was going to hold onto my camera for me so that she could snap pictures of me every where we went. Here I am on my very first train ride.
They told me to do the dramatic movie pose in this pic...though by the looks of it my acting skills leave something to be desired.
Walking the 11 or 12 blocks to the Institute we decided to stop and get drinks. Here Maty and I are at Jahmba Juice.
Here is Jayne and I in front of the Institute. I love this picture.
Here I am in front of the apparently famous lions by the institute. And yes that is Jayne hanging from the lions tale.

Mural Time--2!

Mural Time--1!

After mentioning to Erin that I had painted murals in High school and missed doing that since going to college, she got the ball rolling by saying how cool it would be to have a mural in her boys' room. After her and Tony discussed ideas of what it might be they came up with a clubhouse theme. I drew up a couple sketches of what I envisioned it being and after everyone was in agreement the painting began. This was the first mural I've done that was the whole room...and even though it took a lot of time I loved turning the room into a tree house. During the process of painting it I learned how painting murals utilized all of my top strengths...not only in art, but my admin gifts, my strength in detail and my task focus. I loved pouring myself into making the boys' room something cool that they'd really like.



This fake window is right next to the bunk beds...so when the boys lay in bed they can look out the 'window'.

Leadership summit

For the leadership, we climbed to the top of Willow each day and sat on the 4th floor balcony. It gave an amazing view and a chance to grab some pretty cool pics of all the people who came to the summit. Just thinking about being in the auditorium with that many leaders still takes my breath away. And to think that all around the world there were 120,000 leaders taking part in the summit experience is incredible!

The moral of the story...

Last week Erin challenged me to take over her role as a division leader. I was a little confused at first wondering how the weekly tasks would look any different. I had already been doing all the admin. stuff and making a lot of the phone calls. When I asked her how it'd be different all she could tell me was that it was somehow. Her answer wasn't vague, but one of challenge to me. She wanted me to discern what the differences would be.

I'm not sure how I did at discerning, but I think things went fairly well during the week. It was a rough week for us both, only because we lost out on a day of work and eliminated our day off. Knowing there was more to be done in such a short time I decided to work late and work early every day. At home I worked on all that I could after spending time after work painting a mural. I also went in at 7:30 every morning. With the summit this week, Erin and I ended up drained by Saturday...not a good way to enter the weekend.

I was also challenged to take on Erin's role for the weekend. Saturday went really well. I led huddle and went over all the safety procedures and expectations for our new volunteers. Tami, our coach in K.1 and I monitered the number of kids per group and assigned volunteers their color teams. We strategized ways to keep our groups at a good number without having three kids on one group and 30 on our gold team. And we even came up with back up plans on ways to manage if we ended up short on group leaders. Everything went great the whole night and with me leading, Erin was able to plug into different groups and help out.

In fact, things went so well on Saturday the thought occured to me that Sunday may include mass chaos of some sort. As Sunday morning rolled around I woke up in time to make it to church at 9. Let me just lay it out to you...I was supposed to be there at 7:30. When I got to church I discovered Erin had also overslept, but she made there in time at 8. I was thrown off for the service at 9 and have no idea what went on really. The 11:15 service was better, but it was hard to jump in and really lead things the way I did on Saturday.

But, even through all of that there's a moral to the story. It was definitly a good learning point for me...something I knew, but it was a practical reminder. Things went really well on Saturday, but it had nothing to do with the way I led things. And even though I overslept on Sunday, things went great both hours. Again...nothing to do with me. God doesn't need me to do things...He's got it covered. I'm just honored to be a part of it.

Why Not?

Taking a hard look at my life right now...I've noticed a few things are out of alignment. It's not easy to analyze myself, or find self awareness and for all it's worth it's even harder to admit when things just aren't right.

I've realized that somewhere along the way my priorities shifted. They aren't aligned like they should be right now and it's heart breaking to face the hard truth. At times like these I wish there was a pause button I could press. I wish that I could slow things down...take life at a slower pace to keep all things lined up right in my life. I know I can't stop time, or even slow it down, so where does that leave things? I need to be intentional and at times I need to make the tough choice to be sure things aren't spinning around leaving me disconnected, drained and scratching my head wondering how things became so misaligned.

In times when busyness leaves me feeling disconnected and distant from God it's easy for my 'head' knowledge to take over. I rationalize with myself saying of course God is close...I know He's always there. But even though I may know these things...my spirit or my heart feels like it's stuck in neutral...talking to God doesn't make my heart skip a beat or pound faster anymore, it's just what I should do, what I want to do, but what I often forget to do.

Even though my prayers feel somewhat empty and it's a struggle just to talk to God sometimes, I know I need to pray through it. Pray anyway...even when it's hard. So how do I get this head knowledge to grip my heart again? First I ask God to help me, because I know He's more than willing to help me out and let's face it...He's the best listener I know. And second at least for now, and this maybe something dumb, or something you may laugh about, but I'll write the word pray on my hand. A simple reminder through out the day will help kickstart the lifestyle I desire.

This goes along with the axium Erin told me today, one she has posted on her wall in her office, "Get on your knees".

Later on...I am determined to schedule a prayer time into my daily life more than just my nightly prayer. I'm sure Satan will throw everything he can against me, but I long for a life of prayer. One more axium I heard recently was "Pray early and often"--this is the lifestyle I want; one that burns knee holes into the carpet.

Just one more thing...it's easy for the doubts to creep in, "Is this really possible? Can I really have a prayer filled life?" But all I can say to that is, "Why not?".