Energized

For awhile now Erin has been challenging me to really pay attention to what energizes me...what gives me passion or excitement. Last time she asked me this question I told her it was hard for me to determine that, because for the most part I'm pretty low energy, or in other terms 'calm, cool, and collected' I'm definitely not someone who'd be considered high strung. I can only remember being hyper once in my life and it took three giant pixie sticks to get me to the point where I was literally bouncing from cabin to cabin at girl's camp as a kid. Anyone who knows me is probably having a hard time picturing that I'm sure.

Anyway...I've been struggling a lot lately as I've discovered more about who I am. Even in learning more about my spiritual gifts was a little discouraging to me. The call on my life to be in children's ministry is crystal clear to me, but since that moment when heard God's gentle whisper to me I've had a lot of doubts. The doubts were never about the call, but whether or not my gifts and who I am lined up with what I believe this call on my life is. I've struggled with the realization that I'm gifted much more in task related areas than I am in the relational aspects. And while I love the task side of things, doubts creep in that say, "Can I really be in ministry? How I can I be if I have no relational gifts? How can I be a leader without the gift of leadership or shepherding?"

Tonight I talked with Jil, the children's director at the college church I attend. She helped me realize that maybe my call into children's ministry is being refined. That maybe I need to put to death my own idea of what this call looks like...this idea that has been formed by the leaders I've been guided by and have learned from. She said that God can take away the ache in my life of putting to death this idea I have in mind as He leads me into something greater than I could imagine that uses all my gifts.

So, what energizes me? Creating something that can be implemented by someone and used to a greater capacity than what I could do. For example, writing and developing a curriculum...the style of it may not be the way I speak or teach, but I can imagine it being used in such a way that it could truly have an impact in a child's life. Or building sets...setting up environments that promote kids to use their imaginations and connects them to what's being taught. Environments that don't detract from what's most important, but add to it in such a way that they can't wait to come back and learn more.

And what else? Training...I haven't had a lot of practice at this, but I love the idea of studying something or developing content and then working with a small group or one-on-one with someone and diving into it with them. I love to see the steps they take in learning and being there to answer questions or coach them along the way. I've done it some and would love to do it more. In the fall I may have the chance to build a program from scratch, somewhat connected with our children's ministry. I'd get the chance to work with a team of people, training them in childcare...of course inviting (recruiting) people to come may be the most challenging part for me, so I better step into that more this summer and learn how to do it effectively. We'll see how that goes...I'm just taking baby steps here, but I'm learning a ton along the way.